The Ironies of Toddlers and Preschoolers

My young children baffle me daily. The goings-on of their little minds remain a complete mystery to me, humorous, but mysterious all the same. Attempting to even try to understand or comprehend their rationale only makes one’s head hurt, similar to the pain of banging ones head repeatedly into a wall I’d imagine. I find myself asking a three year old, “Why would you do that?” several times a day and the most incredulous part is, I EXPECT A LOGICAL ANSWER! I don’t even know if he knows WHY he does certain things. I’ve read several books and these are some helpful observations from one parent of a future rocket scientist/engineer/physics instructor/astronaut to another.

1. Toddlers/Preschoolers are constantly testing out the ‘ole ‘Cause and Effect’ theories. “Hmmm … Let’s see what happens when I fill the toilet up with lots of stuff I’m technically not supposed to.”
2. They think outside the box. “I know mommy gave me paper for my markers, and told me to ONLY color on the paper, BUT I already know they’ll write on paper ….  Let’s see what else they’ll write on .. like the dog, my skin, my bed, my sister, the floor, the wall, the couch, the computer, the window. I wonder why mommy wants me to only write on paper when they write on so much more?!”
3. The ultimate tried and true rule that nothing makes a toddler/preschooler have to go to the bathroom like a car ride. You can ask them 35 times if they have to go potty before loading yourself up like the family pack mule, shoving everyone out the door after setting the house alarm so you don’t make it go off by taking too long to close the door, locking the door while balancing all your belongings and child on your hip- pinkie finger clinging to the bottom handle and slightly tugging while your middle finger gives the deadbolt the gentle nudge it needs to engage, starting the car to get the a/c on because it’s now hot enough to cook both children faster than a microwave on high, buckle both children in their car seats, get the DVD player going because Heaven forbid my 21^st century children go anywhere having to (gasp) rely on looking out the window for entertainment, make it all the way to the end of all the dirt roads to the main highway, pull out and after one long, deep breath falsely thinking I’m in the clear for a nice, calm 15 minute car ride- guess who’s crying in the backseat because they have to pee?! Really?
4. This one can be expensive and disappointing so here goes: If you have anything requiring extensive planning and a substantial monetary investment i.e. birthday parties, anniversaries, family reunions, baby showers or vacations at least one child will get sick. Either the day or night before someone will catch a cold, puke, have diarrhea, or spike a random fever. Therefore, always keep a first aid kit that weighs no less than 35 lbs stocked with everything you could possibly need- even things you can’t imagine ever needing- put it in! If you leave on vacation, take it with you.
5. If your children are as bright as mine, prepare to buy them toys for one purpose and then see them used in every way other than the intended purpose. This one is entertaining, thrilling and at times pretty impressive. This is your kid’s ‘time to shine’. You can really see how creative they are based on how they repurpose a toy.
6. Young children have a very limited understanding of gravity. This is ESPECIALLY true for toddlers. I was hoping my fear of heights was genetic- unfortunately they have acrobat genes because they climb to the top of everything including bookshelves with little or no fear of falling off. Most of the time I don’t even know why they are climbing to the top of things- the only motivation I can understand is to get to the top.
7. This is more an irony about parenthood. I would venture to say that half of the time you think your children are the sweetest, most angelic, loving people and you feel so blessed to be their parent. You can’t even begin to think about a life without them. The other half you are trying desperately not to lose your ever-loving mind while wondering what in the world you were thinking having 2 children less than 2 years apart. Praying to God to give you the strength and grace to make it to bedtime. But then those few times you are without them, yes, you enjoy being able to accomplish or enjoy something quietly and focused, however you are also thinking only of them and missing them terribly
   

Even after all the irony found amidst the lives of toddlers and preschoolers, the fact remains that parenthood is still one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of life. I once read of another mother comparing parenthood to climbing Everest. It’s challenging mentally, physically and emotionally- there are good days and bad. But at the end of each successful day you’ve made more headway towards the top, without too many setbacks, you congratulate yourself, get some rest and prepare for the next day’s trek.  So a “high five” to all my fellow parents that are surrounding me on Everest! Here’s to making it to the top! I hear it’s quite the view….