“Is It Messy? If It’s Not Messy, I’m NOT Doing It!”

My son is a magnet to messes. If he’s not sleeping and it becomes eerily quiet to the point where I find myself daydreaming, even for a brief moment, it quickly dawns on me trouble is looming! SNAP OUT OF IT MAMMA! CHECK ON THE CHILD!!! HURRY, HURRY!!! It’s amazing what he can “accomplish” in three minutes. It’s embarrassing to admit how many times I’ve mopped up liquid fabric softener off the laundry room floor or scooped up powder detergent off the same floor. We switched to powder detergent so we can still use it even after it’s been dumped on the floor 4 or 5 times.  I’ve walked in on entire boxes of flour dumped all over the floor in the pantry, facial cleanser dripped on the pool deck, hand soap re-fill dumped down the drain and black chalk dust sprinkled all over the outside foyer. If airport security needs someone to empty all those confiscated bottles of unknown liquids, I know the perfect little person for the job.  Call me crazy, but I don’t understand the fascination with emptying entire contents of bottles all over the floor. Is it to see what the once neatly bottled substance looks like spread out, out of the bottle? WHY is this entertaining? I’ve been around several toddlers that sit nicely at a table and color or quietly play with designated toys, and Payton does do this a lot of the time- but then there are those times when he turns into this little, mischievous, scientific explorer that sets out on secret missions around the house the moment he can escape the “safe zone”  -the baby-proofed living room, protected with child gates to contain him. I imagine him reviewing his agenda with a headlamp at night in his crib once he’s tucked into bed for the night.

I’ve tried to accommodate his need for mess by letting him finger paint, giving him empty bottles to fill and empty with water in the bath, putting a sandbox on the terrace and letting him play with glue sticks while we glue pictures from magazines to construction paper. However, these planned mess sessions don’t seem to satisfy his compulsion. He still needs to color all over things he knows he’s not supposed to and then he SHOWS me his work and tells me it’s a “no no.” Really? You’re going to do something you know you’re not supposed to and then you’re going to SHOW it to me?! What do you do when your child tattles on himself? I loved it when he came and got me to show me the masterpiece he created while I was cleaning the other parts of the house. The laminate floor by the front door was completely colored in marker!! We both stood there with perplexed/annoyed expressions shaking our heads. I looked at him and said, “what are you doing? YOU did this?” It was as if we were on the same team, showing our disdain for some secret intruder that colored all over the floor. This is why I don’t bring any art supplies into the house that aren’t labeled washable. You want my advice to any parent about to celebrate their child’s first birthday? Go to your nearest wholesale club and begin buying Mr. Clean Magic Sponges and Shout stain remover by the case! Oh, and get your game face on, because it’s ON! Be prepared because some things are going to frustrate you and make you want to roll on the floor laughing- odd combination, I know- but temporary insanity can happen.

Parenthood is a never-ending adventure. I have never been bored mothering children 23 months apart. Each day is full of surprises and I’m grateful for such smart kids that baffle me almost daily. Thanks to them you’ll rarely see me wear white. I’m usually in shoes I can run FAST in, I have eyes in the back of my head and my hearing and sense of smell is almost as good as a hound’s. What can I say? Moms are superheroes.