Top 10 Toddler Mysteries

1. If it has a lid, it must be removed and the entire contents of the container be dumped on the floor, preferably all over something that belongs to me and is hard to clean. If time permits, Payton must then slip and slide in the mess and begin spreading the mess beyond the location of the original violation. 2. If I have the hand –held vacuum running, he must run to the nearest dog, pull a handful of its hair out and bring it over to the vacuum to watch it get sucked out of his hand. Really? Isn’t there enough on the floor???!! Must you actually remove MORE from the dogs? 3. If he’s had enough to drink out of his sippy cup, but more remains- he will suck the rest of the juice out of the cup and begin spray spitting it all over the floor until they’re so sticky the dogs’ fur gets stuck to them. Now I not only get to vacuum, I get to mop too! Great.

4. If he doesn’t want to eat something on his plate, he must remove each piece from his plate and pile it on either mine or Rich’s. One gooey piece at a time. If it falls on the floor, he will pick it up and STILL put it on our plates for us. Why can’t it just stay on his plate and he not eat it??? 5. If he gets a new set of Jumbo Crayola Crayons he will color with them for a little while, then he must peel each one so all the paper wrap is gone and begin breaking them into “more manageable” pieces. Then he realizes they’re too small to color with. This has happened three times. Who isn’t learning here, him or me???

6. He loves to throw toys for the dogs to chase. I just with he’d throw THEIR toys instead of his baby sister’s toys … Doesn’t he know toys don’t grow on trees? (he doesn’t really know what money is- better to use an analogy he understands.)

7. He won’t let me try new shoes on him at the store, he kicks and complains and absolutely REFUSES anything new on his feet. But, bring them home and throw them in his play area and the FIRST thing he does is puts on the new shoes and proudly stomps around in them. Wouldn’t he rather I make sure they fit before we bring them home???!! 8. Why is my bathroom vanity/make-up drawer the most exciting place to explore? Is it all the bottles waiting to be opened and dumped on the floor?? As long as he doesn’t want to wear my make-up, we’re OK.

9. He can turn on the TV, access the “favorites” list on our DirecTV remote control and put DVDs in the player yet he can’t put his T-shirt on. Maybe a man thing here?

10. The most mysterious yet: Before he turned 2 he was practically potty-trained going #1 and #2 on the potty. He turned 2 and decided he didn’t care to go on the potty anymore and got his diapers out. He now acts scared of the toilet. What in the world is better about diapers??!