Gym?! I Don’t Need No Stinking Gym!!

I have friends that have severe sympathy for the fact that I can’t manage to fit in time to “treat” myself to time at the gym. It’s terribly sad that I can’t hop on a machine and tread in place like some hamster on a wheel stuck in a cage that’s too small, I know. Who wants to lift and push cold metal when you have perfectly good weights that giggle and wiggle at home? If you’re a mother to small children, I have come up with a few workout moves for you and by the end of the day you should be thoroughly exhausted, sweating and experiencing such severe mental fatigue you’ll think you’ve just finished boot camp!

Exercises:

“I’m Gonna Get Your Tummy” Hold infant in both hands (mine weighs about 15 lbs) While holding firmly, raise child over your head while making silly faces and speaking gibberish- note the more fluctuations in your voice the more your baby will enjoy this activity. Lower child so you can blow raspberries on their bellies. Repeat this until your arms are sore and child is bored.

“What Did You Spill Now” Inevitably your older child WILL spill something, color on something or paint something during the day. I just wait for the familiar “Uh Oh” Payton is famous for as my Que. Simply use “elbow grease” to scrub the mess . Most of the time it requires some squatting due to the short nature of children. If you’re not squatting, may I suggest hiding whatever it is your child is climbing?? (If the mess is more than 12″ above your toddlers head and there is nothing nearby you can see him using to climb- don’t waste time trying to figure out how such a thing is even possible. This will exhaust you too soon in the day. Just accept it and know that your child has great potential in either the field of science or politics. Either way he is sure to gain notoriety in the future.) While cleaning this mess try squatting up and down a few times during which you simultaneously lecture why we don’t color on anything other than paper mommy supplies. This will challenge you physically and mentally.

“Dance Baby, Dance” Play a fun song, i.e. “Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog” and while child has his left foot on your left foot and his right on your right, dance- but lift your legs far enough up off the floor that you feel it. If you can make your toddler laugh and wiggle this will intensify your workout.

“Let’s Go Get Groceries!” “Planning, preparing and executing an outing with two small children will exhaust anyone. Packing the diaper bag, making sure everyone’s clothes and diapers are clean, loading them in the car, unloading them once you’ve arrived, filling a grocery cart while keeping them entertained, placing everything on the conveyer and paying for the groceries, loading that and the children back into the car, unloading everything and everyone once back home, putting everything away and cleaning everyone up (diapers/clothing) again. PHEW! I grow tired just typing it!!

“Run For It” This is one of my favorites …  Grab a sugary snack from the pantry. I like those Annie’s organic fruit treats. It has to be something your child LOVES. Now, take your child in your backyard, show him the treat and simply tell him if he can catch you, he can have them. Nothing inspires a toddler to run like an opportunity to overdose on sugar and nothing inspires a parent like the possibility of that actually happening. Don’t worry if you’re both laughing- this burns more calories.  In the end- once you feel like you’ve had enough agree to a drawl and split the treat together. A few fruit treats won’t kill your calorie count and you’ll enjoy it even more when you share with your favorite little person.

I think motherhood is one of the most challenging, rewarding, frustrating,  and overwhelmingly inspiring jobs I have ever had the privilege or blessing of having. One legacy I can share with my children is to laugh and love- I love you to the moon and back my precious Payton and Chloe. You are my heart.